Ripped In Half
by Nienna100
Summary: I am being ripped in half, I need them both like I need oxygen. 700 word drabble from Severus' point of view, LMSS and RLSS. Oneshot, complete. Slash


I am being ripped in half.

I need them both like I need oxygen. If I go too long without one or the other I can feel myself fading away. When I see both of them, the pain I never realise is there, fades away, and I can breathe freely until either one touches me. With even the merest brush against me, my breath catches in my throat. I am caught in the agonising trap that is love, the ropes will not let me go, and I do not want them to, except when I am being torn like this.

One is my sunshine. He is the light in my life, and he brings laughter, smiles and love. He can cool me when I am angry, he is perfectly willing to cuddle whether I need to or not. When he smiles, my heart jolts in my chest. With every touch, every caress, he treats me like something precious, something to be treasured. When his friends bullied me at school, it would never be him, never him. He would patch me up in an instant, and call me his love. My mind screams for Remus, the sensible choice for me.

The other is my night time, but I have always loved the darkness. He brings passion, desire and lust. When we fight, fire flashes in his normally icy eyes, but there is always the desire that makes me return, and him call me back. I always return; I am powerless to resist his call. There is always something sparking between us, and like magnets we can not resist. He is seduction in human form. My heart throbs for Lucius, though the sensible, smart choice he is not.

Death Eater meetings are my personal hell. More than half of the time I will leave them aching, bleeding, and deeply depressed. The Dark Lord is never happy that I can not give him all the information on the Order, so I must suffer for that, and I am an easy target for the other Death Eaters when they are in the mood for… torture.

When I go to Remus, telling Lucius that I need some time alone, the werewolf, without saying a word, pulls me inside, wraps his arms gingerly around my waist, and presses a sweet kiss to my lips. Then, he casts the Healing charms that he's far too used to performing, and tucks me into his bed. He stays with me, offering an ear when a want to talk, and arms to snuggle down in when I just need comfort and reassurance. When I wake in the night, yelling and disturbing Remus' already limited rest, he rocks me and calms me, making me know I'm safe and loved, and making me forget my cares.

Lucius has a very different approach to making me forget my troubles. He drags me inside, shoves me roughly onto his bed, and strips me down. Then he glares at me until I start reciprocating to his advances, and I always will, he knows this. For a time, I can forget the whole world apart from the man with me. I may not be able to curl up with him as I can with Remus, but the werewolf is for too nice to be able to pull me out of my funk so abruptly. It is so much easier sometimes to be with Lucius, but other times I need Remus' gentle embrace.

I know that if I tell Remus about Lucius, he would feel so depressed and abandoned, as if he is not good enough for me. He's had enough of that in his life, and I don't want to hurt him like that, not after all he's done for me. It would not be fair on him.

If I told Lucius, I know that he would not hurt just me. He would hunt down Remus, and kill him slowly as punishment to me. I could not let that happen. Maybe he would leave me alive, maybe he wouldn't. I know that a small part of him loves me, he must do, for him to cling to me and keep me by his side.

I need to choose, but I know that I can not. I need them both, more than anything, to soothe me, and to flare up the passion inside of me.

I am being ripped in half.

**A.N: This short, plotless thing is not like me, but I wanted to experiment with first person, because I'm rubbish at first person stuff. I also needed a break from Dozen Days and Hidden Child, because I was attempting to write chapters from them and I was seriously uninspired by them, at the moment anyway. I will get back to them. After I write a Torchwood oneshot, which has been preying on my mind :P**


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